Dredging up a bit of recent history

This doesn't really have anything to do with dating in Japan, but it's been on my mind the last few days. Partway into my junior year of college I became friends with a guy in my Japanese class. Justy was a broad-framed geeky gamer with a streak of proud Scottish heritage. We both got to Japanese class early and struck up a friendship. He had a great sarcastic streak and could keep almost any conversation topic going. It used to be fun to get bubble tea after classes and hang out playing jenga and chatting. At first I had a growing crush on him, but never seriously considered a relationship.

He dated disasters. Every one of his ex-girlfriend stories were filled with crazies. All of them except for his current girlfriend, soon to be fiancée. I didn't know about her the first few months we were talking. Sometimes I don't know if I ever seriously wanted to date Justy. He could get on my nerves. I always seem to be attracted to and repelled by guys who will use straight conventional logic to undermine my more fanciful theories. Just let me rationalize and make up facts every once in awhile, yeesh! However, I do know that we had a good friendship and I felt comfortable talking to him about almost anything. I don't find this with guys very often.

When I saw a picture of his girlfriend the first time I got that sharp pang of jealousy and started comparing myself to her. I was prettier than she was, I was smarter, more ambitious, more fashionable, had more things in common with him, etc. I had all these terrible thoughts. He didn't help the situation at all by constantly saying things like "if I hadn't met my girlfriend you and I might have dated", or "you're my type". After all the crazies he dated though maybe that last one isn't a compliment. One day he sent me a link to take the match.com personality test and our results were eerily similar. He again made a point of saying we would have been a good match if only he wasn't so in love with his fiancée. I mean what the hell is up with that? Was he trying to keep me on a back burner in case things with her failed? Was he just too honest for his own good? Clueless? Was he teasing me? Trying to boost his ego?

By the time I met his girlfriend she must have heard enough about me that she was suspicious and hovered around him, while simultaneously giving me "back away from my boy" looks. I decided I didn't need any of this and was more than happy to appear as uninterested as possible. Eventually she calmed down enough to stop imprinting her fingerprints into his arm every time I showed up. She's really a good person. I like her well enough and think they make a cute couple. Last year Justy and I both graduated from college. I moved to Japan. He and his girlfriend got married this year and we haven't talked much since. It's partly the time difference. We have very different responsibilities now. We are both lazy bastards. I still have his wedding gift sitting on the floor of my office. I'll send it out one of these days.

I miss talking to him regularly. It's as ridiculously simple as writing an e-mail. Why does it feel all sorts of complicated?

Better communication, paranoia ho!

When I was still in the states my cell phone was this ancient Nokia model stripped down to basics. In Japan I'm rocking a 1.3 megapixal camera, full color, Internet, and personal cell phone e-mail. I used to forget my old cell phone all the time and now I can't fall asleep without my new one being in the same room!

In Japan it's exhorbitantly expensive to call someone (none of those 600 night and weekend minutes free deals here!), but all text messaging is free. It's not just simple text messaging either it's an actual e-mail address that can be used like any other free e-mail on the web. This is the best way to communicate.

On Saturday a group of new and old English teachers in my area got together for a day at the beach. I tend to be out in the middle of nowhere, so I don't make a huge effort at getting to know people who are more than two hours away by train, but a day at the beach is not something to be ignored. Surprisingly enough one of the new guys in our program was a rather talkative, cute Brit. I'll call him Wallace (from Wallace and Gromit) because of the way his voice modulates when he tells stories. Wallace ended up having dinner with myself and two of my friends in the program. At the end of the night we all exchanged cell phone information.

Not trying to be pushy I e-mailed his cell the next day with a casual "Did you make it home alright?". Then I waited...and waited...I didn't think he was going to call me. Actually it would have been awkward at best if he had, but I wanted that special e-mail song to play. Finally he got back to me with a friendly message. I decided to wait 3 hours (to not appear overly eager) and then threw a light joke his way. Two days, no response. I guess I never expected one and if anything I didn't feel a spark, but... Everytime my phone does it's little e-mail buzzer/song dance of joy my body tenses in anticipation only to have the eventual release tinted with a hint of dissapointment. If this was regular Internet e-mail I don't think I would care so much. The cell phone is like a two day IM gone unanswered. An urgent missive left unloved in it's bottle. Argh I'm getting mellowdramatic about a silly cell e-mail.

Still I wouldn't mind a buzz or two.

Hanging in the shallow end of Internet dating

There are several penpal/dating sites that cater to both foreigners and Japanese looking to hook up. One of the most popular is Asoboo, which is especially popular with the foreign English teacher population in Japan. You can write up a quick profile, put a silly pixel avatar picture up and away you go! I made a profile on a whim and forgot all about it.

Checking my e-mail today I found two e-mails from Asoboo from the same Japanese guy who actually lives in the next prefecture over from me. He seems friendly, not too old, good English...and yet...if he was farther away I would respond without a second thought. The fact he lives so close makes me nervous.

It seems stupid that I keep putting out these feelers on the Internet, but when it comes to someone who might be close enough to actually meet me I freak out and stop responding. E-mail is so easy to ignore. To respond or not to respond? What am I afraid of more, him not liking me, or me not liking him? Oh and somehow the possibility he is a crazy psycho doesn't come into this. oops, internet dating the stupid way. Desperation does not a pretty pretty princess make.

On being a female Asian chaser

At some point in their life almost everyone has met an asian-chaser. He's that guy who sits across from you in Japanese class with a shirt that says in bad kanji "I want to date a Japanese girl". He might be that staid business man who suddenly disappears for a few weeks on vacation and comes back with a Korean bride on his arm. More often than not the stereotype is the white boy who longs for that passive and exotic asian woman to cater to his every whim with a sexy smile on her petite face. I'm not saying every guy who has a preference for Asians is like this, but honestly I've known my fair share and the majority easily fall into conventional stereotypes. I've dated these guys, been friends with them, hated some of them, and now I found that I've become one. An Asian-chaser that is...not a guy.

I moved to Japan one year ago to teach English to Elementary school students. I came to Japan wanting to have a good time, widen my horizons, travel Asia, and with a preference for blond, blue-eyed boys. I don't know when it happend, but somehow along the way that changed. I went home for the Christmas holidays and found myself blah about all the guys I saw. As soon as I stepped onto my International flight back to Japan I instantly spotted some hot prospects. It took me a few minutes before I realized they were all Asian men.

Being a female asian-chaser is a bit odd. Am I the same as all the boys that ticked me off so royally in my Japanese history class with their mooning over any Asian girl that graced their path? I definitely know that Japanese men don't have the same "positive" traits attributed to the women. If anything both my Japanese father and grandma (halfies represent!) have told me to stay away from Japanese men (Asian men all around) because they don't treat women right. It could simply be a preference, like how some women only want to date black men. In my more honest moments I wonder if it's simply because I'm currently fascinated with all things Japan and Asia (anime fans have created a whole new set of stigmas) Another problem is that while Japanese women seem attracted to foreign men, there are proportionately fewer Japanese men who are interested in foreign women. Something about us being loud and opinionated or some such nonsense...

So this is a tricky issue. All of this wordy background is just to set up the picture for my future exploits in dating in Japan. That is if I can manage more action than I've been getting lately *details details*